I want you

The image of you as you left this morning is one I won’t forget.

As I lay sleepily under the warm doona you leant over me, gave me your beautiful smile and kissed me goodbye. After not kissing me one morning you now know I will always prefer to be woken and kissed by you than not at all. You kissed me with contentment.

You gathered your bags then stood in the doorway to the bedroom, leaning with your head and shoulder against one side. The morning sun was behind you. Your smile was beaming and warmer than that sun. I can’t describe the way you looked at me but it felt peaceful, happy and content.

It was that moment I wanted you more.

I wanted that moment and that feeling to last a lifetime.

I never expected this, you. I am losing myself in you. I am dizzy and floating around you like the fluffy fairy floss that caresses the stick as it winds around and around. I melt in your mouth.

I want you.

 

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The Ring

See that ring? That’s mine. At least in theory. But now it is at an auction house, waiting to be sold for a ridiculously low price. Are diminishing jewellery values a sign of the value of what they represent?

Such grand gestures seem to have become so-so when symbols so valuable (not just financially) are given without the same personal embodiment. I wanted the personal but got the ring.

My separation from the ring is my final gesture of letting go… It feels like the day I received it. Confusing, anxious, tense, unknown, sad. Part of me hopes it will come back. That that will in some way be my sign that all is not finished. Part of me wants my memories to vanish with it.

I find myself looking for him. I don’t know what I would do if I did see him. Cry? Explode? Keep moving. Blah!